Which sentence should be revised to reduce wordiness?

In the realm of effective communication, conciseness is key. Wordiness can obscure the intended message, making it less impactful and harder for readers to grasp the core information. One common area where wordiness tends to creep in is sentence structure. In this article, we will examine a set of sentences and explore why one of them stands out as the prime candidate for revision to reduce wordiness.

The Question

Question: Which sentence should be revised to reduce wordiness?

The Options

Option 1: The speech that the computer science expert gave about online data mining was informative and entertaining.

Option 2: The speech that the computer science expert gave regarding online data mining was filled with information and was also very entertaining.

Option 3: The expert in computer science gave an informative and entertaining speech about online data mining.

Option 4: The speech about online data mining was entertaining and informative.

The Answer and Explanation

The sentence that should be revised to reduce wordiness is Option 2: "The speech that the computer science expert gave regarding online data mining was filled with information and was also very entertaining."

Why Option 2?

Option 2 suffers from redundancy and unnecessary elaboration. Let's break it down:

• "The speech that the computer science expert gave regarding online data mining": This initial part of the sentence sets the context for the speech's subject matter. However, it can be streamlined without losing any crucial information. The phrase "given by the computer science expert on online data mining" would serve the purpose more succinctly.

• "was filled with information and was also very entertaining": In this part, there's a repetition of meaning. "Filled with information" and "very entertaining" convey the same message, so one of these can be omitted.

Revised Version

"The speech given by the computer science expert on online data mining was informative and entertaining."

Explanation of the Revised Version

In this revised sentence, we have eliminated redundancy while retaining the core information. By merging the two elements into a single descriptor, "informative and entertaining," we have effectively reduced the word count while maintaining the sentence's clarity and impact. The unnecessary repetition has been removed, resulting in a more polished and concise sentence.

Conclusion

Wordiness can dilute the power of communication. As demonstrated by the sentence options, choosing the right words and sentence structure can significantly impact the clarity and effectiveness of your message. In your own writing, always strive for conciseness while preserving the essence of your message. This practice ensures that your ideas come across clearly and leave a lasting impression on your readers or listeners.